


Dean Won't Say "I Love You"

by ncdover1285



Series: Destiel Fanfiction Bingo [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, mentions of john and Marys death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncdover1285/pseuds/ncdover1285
Summary: Cas needs him to say it, but he just can't.





	Dean Won't Say "I Love You"

“He never says it, not even to me. I know he loves us both, albeit in different ways, and so do you. You will either have to deal with the fact that he doesn’t say it or you can just say something to him about it. I don’t know if that will change anything or not. I mean, the last thing he said to mom was I love you, dad TOLD me that he never heard him say it after that and I haven’t heard him say it since dad died.”

 

Dean had been on his way to the bunker’s shower when he overheard this part of the conversation. He had no question who Sam had been talking to on the other end of the phone line. Cas had told Dean that he loved him about a week ago. He had kissed Cas and they had proceeded to physically express that love for hours, yet he couldn’t bring himself to say it back. Every time that he had tried it was as if something had grabbed him around the throat and squeezed. 

 

His brother was right, he hadn’t said those words to anyone since he was four years old and his mother had tucked him into bed. He had wanted to a couple of times and had even meant to to his little brother a few more, but he just couldn’t. As much as he didn’t want to admit it he was scared., scared to lose those that he loved the most.

 

The more he thought about it the less sense it actually made. Yeah he had lost Cas, a few times. He had lost Sammy a few times as well, but while he felt he wasn’t able to help them, if he had said he loved them he would have felt that he had brought death to them. He wasn’t allowed to love, the people that he loved always ended up dead.

 

Cas was an emotional being once he had broken that outer, badass angel shell. If he kept going the direction that he was headed, he may end up losing the angel in another way, one that was all his doing. He needed emotional reassurance, and while Dean was really good at showing those around him that they were loved, Cas needed to be told. He had made up his mind, He was just going to tell him. Now he had to just figure out when and where.

 

There was a case in Northern Alabama that would give him time to work up his courage. He told Sammy that he needed to take Cas on this case, that he needed to be able to talk to Cas alone about something, and no it wasn’t anything bad. They left out early the next morning and Dean decided it wasn’t something that he wanted to risk on the way to a hunt, and that he would talk to Cas on the way back to the bunker.

 

In the end he was glad that he had waited. There was a close call when a vampire had gone after Cas and Dean could have seen it ending much worse if he had confessed his love to Cas. Still, as they do, the case came to an end and they were on their way back to the bunker. Cas patiently waited through the first three hours of the car ride back, but at this point he could no longer take the silence.

 

“You aren’t cursed.” Dean looked over at Cas’s seemingly random comment. If he hadn’t have overheard the conversation between Cas and Sam he wouldn’t have been prepared for this and probably would have reacted badly, but he had, so he was ready. “I think I know that.” Dean couldn’t look at him, so he kept his eyes on the road. Even though he knew he loved Cas this would be heard. Not because he was admitting his feelings, he showed him all the time that he loved him, but because he was admitting his fear. Dean never liked to show his weakness in front of anyone. He trusted Cas though so he was willing to admit this to him.

 

“I’m afraid. No, I’m not afraid of you leaving or cheating or anything like that. I’m afraid that if I say those words to you that an outside force will come and rip you away.” Dean pulled the car over, he couldn’t keep driving his eyes had tears threatening to fall and he couldn’t risk it. “The only people I have ever said them to were mom and dad. They are both gone now. Both killed by something supernatural.” Dean looked away, even though it had been many years since he lost his mom and quite a few since his dad had made his deal, it still hurt.

 

Cas knew all this, Sam had explained all this to him. He just had to get Dean to believe it wasn’t his fault that bad things happened to his family. “That wasn’t your fault Dean, even if you hadn’t said I love you to them they still would have had the same fate. That was heavens plan. We go against heavens plan, as against it as we possibly could. If heaven had it’s way you would have been either dead or Micheals vessel years ago. So we are off script now as you would say. We make our own plan. The reason I can so freely tell you that I love you is because if something happened to me I would want that to be the last thing I said to you. You would always remember that I love you.”

 

Dean thought over what Cas had said. He had already decided that he wanted to tell him how he felt and Cas had a really good point. Sometimes the last thing he would say to Cas definitely wouldn’t be what he would want to be remembered by. “I know Cas, and I do you already know that. At least, I think you do.” Cas nodded his head while dean was talking. “I just can’t stand the thought of losing you. We can’t keep cheating death and one of these days it’s gonna stick.” Dean was starting to think it was getting hot in the impala. He was starting to sweat. 

 

“Cas, I L-love…” A horn blew as it went by on the highway causing Dean and Cas both to jump, as they were both so consumed with the conversation that they hadn’t seen it coming down the road. Dean laughed at himself for stuttering through this. It felt kind of silly how he couldn’t say three words. “I love you, Cas. I think I always have and it just took awhile for me to admit it to myself. But you are right, I should have told you when I finally did. I want you to always remember that I love you, especially if something was to happen to me.” 

 

Dean barely got the words out before Cas was up in his space, kissing his lips and holding on for dear life. “Dean, you have no idea how much it means to me that you love me enough to go through this conversation, since we both know you don’t discuss feelings, but also to face a fear that you have had for so long. I love you too, so so much. What do you say we take a night for us? We could find a motel nearby.” Dean’s answer was to grin and take off in the direction of the Motel 6 he had seen a few miles back.


End file.
